Cultures of Fatherhood

Is it possible that fatherhood is not a generic global concept with similar priorities, but that different cultures perceive fatherhood and its function in differing ways?

Perhaps I could discuss this initially within the narrow band of a Christian worldview. I was in a cross-cultural church on Fathers Day. The pastor invited the fathers present to stand. He asked three women to pray for them; one Australian married to a Ugandan, a British woman married to a British man; and a Ugandan lady married to a Ugandan man. They all prayed beautifully.

Analytically, It was interesting what they prayed for, since it demonstrated what people regard as the primary need and function of a father. The two western women (including the one in a cross-cultural marriage) made wisdom the most important ingredient they wanted God to give to fathers in leading their families. The Ugandan lady prayed grace for the fathers in providing for their children with education and physical needs, as overseers of their families. Could I say that Wisdom in leadership was the Western priority, and providence in leadership was the African perspective? You might think these prayers are insufficient evidence to justify this opinion; that cultures vary in their view of fatherhood. My discernment is not impulsive, nor my understanding too narrow, since it is based on more than these prayers, but on several years of listening and learning. Allow me to give you further support to my distinctions, using other sources.

I am regarded as a pastor wherever I preach in African churches. As I revisit congregations and build a relationship with the people, I am sometimes approached by young adults, with the specific and honourable request of becoming their “father”.

Of course, this in itself is a major cultural difference, since African children often have more than one father. Certainly, there is their biological father, but all uncles (brothers to the biological father) are regarded as fathers, bearing the responsibility and honour for giving fatherly input into the lives of their children (nieces and nephews), and would be responsible to take these children into their homes if the child’s biological father died. The extended African family therefore has a great deal of responsibility and authority over a nucleus within it. This is in stark contrast to a modern Western extended family, which can negate responsibility, and would be regarded as interfering in the affairs of a Western nuclear family, should an uncle attempt to offer a fatherly role. The African model is far more cohesive socially.

Anyway, back to the request being made to become a “father”. These sincere young Christians seek opportunity to communicate with me, and in so doing often express their prayer requests, which reveal deep concerns for their success in higher education, and prayers for God’s provision of their fees, and His support in other needs, such as desires for the right marriage partner, and God's provision when the wedding draws near. I have long since passed the suspicious level, which regards this as a request to me for money, simply because I am assumed to have more resources. I see it as a genuine respect for my “priestly” role, and their seeking emotional support in the midst of some serious challenges in a poverty stricken environment. Education is a very important priority, as is God’s fatherly provision. Perhaps God might use me to assist them in their lives somehow. As a pastor, in their minds, I become a potent intercessory mediator between them and God, for him to be their provider. The requests are deeply sincere. Essentially, my point is supported by these experiences, that fathers in Africa are primarily regarded as providers.

On a more superficial level, driving as much as I do in the thick traffic of Kampala, I notice the many "Christian" bumper stickers on cars. That's not surprising when Uganda is a highly Christianized country. The most common phrases either make references to the vehicle being covered by the blood of Jesus, or refer to God as their provider. The former popular concept of Jesus’ blood covering a vehicle I find offensive and most irreverent theologically, but my main point here is that Father God is primarily seen as a protector and provider.

The media also supports this observation. Alarmingly, there is no doubt that local newspapers relish reporting sensational family tragedies. The most recent story in Uganda, was about a man separated from his wife for some time, who went to collect his two children from her for the weekend and then clubbed the two young boys to death late that night in their sleep, calling his sister to say that his life was "finished", before hanging himself. The police investigator is reported to have set the cause of the tragedy as “poverty”. It is certainly interesting that a policeman would give a moral and socio-economic cause for a crime over and above scientific evidence, which is again very different from a Western view of crime. This kind of scenario has sadly been reported several times over the years we have lived in Uganda and the same verdict is often given at the scene - "poverty". I always wonder what could drive a person to act so heinously against their own offspring. Topically, what does this story tell us about fatherhood in Uganda? I would suggest that it supports a prevailing view on fatherhood; being that the man is primarily a provider. The father in this tragic story was desperately frustrated in his failure to be a successful provider due to poverty, which led to his hopelessness.

Susan Babirye, Fellow at Makerere University’s School of Public Health, writes in the New Vision’s Comment section, "at a household level, fathers are central in everyday decision making, particularly on issues of access, control and distribution of resources, movement outside the home as well as how many children to have and when to have them." (p15, 20-6-11). This was published the day after Fathers Day, headed "Responsible fatherhood is a pathway to safe motherhood”. The author is rightly seeking to persuade otherwise culturally disinterested fathers to get involved in protecting their wives and children more carefully at pre-natal and post-natal stages. Obviously this suggests that there is more to being a protector and provider than meets the eye. Nevertheless, Susan’s perspective confirms the African priority that fathers are the managers of resources, or the leaders in providence.

I recall Jesus making reference to the quality of fatherhood in providential terms, when he asks, "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!“ (Matthew 7:9-11). Is this not a heavenly father who is primarily a provider? Jesus is of course talking to Semitic peasants who had vivid daily economic concerns, just like many African families. Is there anything wrong then with seeing God as our provider? Definitely not! However, I believe that there is something wrong if provision is the only perspective we have on Fatherhood.

Once we accept that fathers are primarily responsible for protecting and providing, we overlook another important aspect of fatherhood; that of counsellor, advisor in wisdom, and spiritual leader. Let’s go to the most obvious source of wisdom, Proverbs, where the source of wisdom is personified as a Father, who advises his son to listen to his wisdom and instructions, and equates it with a sound relationship to God (1:8; 2:1-6; 3:1-2). Proverbs tells us emphatically that “A wise son brings joy to his father” (10:1; 15:20; 23:24b; 29:3). Conversely, “a foolish son brings grief to his father” (17:21, 25). We should not ignore the intimate prayerful relationship Jesus had with his heavenly Father, which included seeking His insights before choosing his disciples. Think also of the Apostle Paul, who regarded his fatherhood over believers and churches of great importance to spiritual maturity (1 Corinthians 4:15). So, wisdom is important to a father, especially when exhibited by his children.

So, the balanced approach to God as our fatherly example, exhibited in human fatherhood, is that God the Father protects, provides and cherishes wisdom. Therefore, whatever our cultural priorities in fatherhood, we need to keep the balance: our fathers being morally wise, caring and protective, as well as providing emotionally and physically for our families.

PS. It would seem that my reflections are based upon a Judeo-Christian worldview, rather than being generally applicable to all worldviews. These are of course simple generalizations on cultural perspectives and are not intended to be derogatory observations about race; neither can they be seen to apply exclusively to all Western or African families. I have also met some very balanced African families and some very unbalanced Western Christian families. It is also a little limiting to only place three ingredients as necessary for fatherhood (protection, provision and wisdom), since there are other aspects such as leadership and discipline left out. However, It is more a question of highlighting the cultural priorities in fatherhood and possible cultural blindspots.

Whose Report Will You Believe?

There was a popular worship song rendered by Ron Kenoly in the 1990s that included the question, “whose report will you believe?” with a corporate response, "we shall believe the report of the Lord!" I love the dated fashion and hairstyles, and the song itself, despite what I'm about to say.

This song takes (out of context) a Biblical story about poor majority leadership and applies it with individualistic references to being healed, filled with God's Spirit, free and living in God's victory. The song was a direct inference to the report returned to Moses by the spies who went to check-out Canaan on their trek out of Egypt. There were twelve – a representative from each tribe. Joshua and Caleb returned with a favourable, positive report. The other ten gave a doubtful, fearful and negative report.

Unfortunately, the ten people swayed the crowd and hundreds of thousands of people met their deaths in the desert as a direct result, forfeiting the promised land.

I have learned the power and impact of poisonous opinions from leadership upon the minds of otherwise neutral people in a team setting. Even if a person seeks to remain neutral, something small goes down deep inside, like a tasty morsel, “down to the innermost parts” (Proverbs 18:8; 26:22). The consequences are so serious that James describes the tongue like a small rudder that steers a massive ship, or like a spark that sets a forest ablaze (James 3:5). These days, such morsels are not necessarily vocal, but can be transmitted via electronic media too. Check out all the negative junk on You Tube against Christianity, and its multiple expressions. In fact, one part of Christianity seems to be at war with other parts. The words are out there and people listen to them, whether they are factual, moderately truthful, or not.

It’s like those court case dramas, where the attorney for the prosecution shouts “objection, your honour” to inadmissible information. The judge upholds the objection and instructs the clerk to erase the statement from the court record. In reality, it makes no difference. Once something is said, it is in the minds of the hearers. The groove has been cut. The prejudice is cast. The jurors will remember it and the matter will almost certainly be mentioned in their private deliberations, even though it was inadmissible evidence. It will affect their personal judgement.

Ron Kenoly’s song takes a simplistic approach to the decoding and circulation of negative communications. The truth is more complicated. The song suggests that our individual futures are determined entirely upon our personally chosen responses. The fact is, even if we host an individualistic philosophical perspective, we all live in various community settings, whether it is a church, a neighbourhood, organization or business. In the case of the nation, Israel, it didn’t matter what choice an individual made, the majority opinion overruled the perfect will of God, and the people got God’s decisive and disciplined alternative – becoming dust busters. This is not intended as a critique of praise and worship lyrics at all, but is a challenge to team leadership and its communications.

The majority opinion can turn the tide and move a barge-like movement off its original course and even turn it away from its planned destination. At the very best, it will produce a more tortuous journey and seriously delay the best outcome for the genuine individual; possibly at great cost to the Old Faithful on route. Can you imagine the sheer frustration Joshua and Caleb might have endured, waiting for forty years with a bunch of “losers” before their faith paid off? Character building? Yes! Redemptive? Yes! Was it the perfect will of God? I believe not! In a corporate sense, it is likely to have caused the organization to become isolated from its original position and anticipated impact. History shows that God can and does start new churches and organizations, with people who are more committed to fulfilling his perfect will. This can be seen in so many Christian “movements” throughout Church history, which are now “monuments” to great pasts. They continue to function with a proud heritage, but with a reduced current impact; operating at a lower ebb than the high water mark God intended them to reach.

Let us be careful therefore, not only whose report we believe, but which reports we circulate. Personal censorship of negative or dangerous news is an important and mature approach. In this day of “freedom of speech”, we might want to be more vigilant to discern unhealthy communications. Freedom of speech includes the freedom not to speak. There is a time to be silent. In the Second World War, there was a campaign against the disclosure of information that would make others vulnerable, including catch phrases like, “loose lips sink ships”. The BBC Newsbeat reports that the British Ministry of Defence (click links to see) has recently created a TV public warning "advertisement" to military personnel, their families and friends, to think carefully before uploading, blogging, tweeting, tagging or sharing on social media sites, because some information can put lives at risk unwittingly. We might want to be more careful, to screen communications that increase negative risk, and choose to communicate a positive message, so that the best purposes of God for His Church, and humanity generally, become a stronger likelihood. The alternative is not worth thinking about.

Prayer: God help me today to have faith in your good plans for my life and those around me. Give me a discerning heart, to screen out negative messages that contradict your good plans, for my own sake, and the good of those who walk alongside me.